Mmmmmm… who’s that you ask? That’s my team’s saving grace, that’s who. That’s Johan Santana, ace pitcher and all-around turnaround for the Mets, whose outrageous (most literal usage of outrageous EVER) demise at the end of last season had me contemplating a move to the UK. (Alright, said contemplation might also have had a liiiiittle to do with the abundance of gorgeous rocker ass in the UK, but this is meant to be a sports column, ok?).

You see (not)sports-fans, the Mets did something unheard of last season. They were seven games ahead in their division, with 17 games left to play - which essentially translates to being shoe-ins for the playoffs - and somehow managed to LOSE IT ALL and not even make it into the post-season. SO EMBARRASSING. SO LOATHSOME. I nearly put a fist through the wall.

So then in the off-season, it was determined by experts (aka fans) that all the Mets needed to stop the bleeding was an ace pitcher. Someone to fill out the aching line-up. This need was intensified with the departure of Tom Glavine, who, despite being on the older side of hotness, was still pretty crucial to the Mets‘ playing (ignore his last game, you know he wants you to).

And so here we are. With Johan. And his gleaming suit. The trade isn’t 100% finalized, so while this kinda feels like announcing a pregnancy in the first trimester, I’m gonna go ahead and say my kids are real contenders again. Bet it all makes you think of doing something else with your fist, huh? Ewwwwwwwwww.

(*PS - you can click that pic up there to see if it’s truly fist-worthy, thanks!)

So this week I’m stuck at this reallllllly shitty temp job, that I won’t go into for fear of boring you (and making myself cry). The offices are based in Holborn, about four minutes’ walk from the British Museum (and therefore four and half minutes - dangerously close - to my second favourite comic book store in London, Gosh Comics). Lunch break finally rolls around and I bust out of the stifling office atmosphere and head out for a walk, ending up in front of the museum, being one of the only interesting places around those parts. Nearly all the big museums and galleries in London are free (donations welcome), so I navigate through all the school groups on field trips, and tourists posing for photos, and wander through the main atrium and find myself in front of the Rosetta Stone.

I’d like to say I stood in front of it, thinking heavy intellectual thoughts about the origins of language and how whoever carved the inscriptions did such a delicate job… but in fact there were too many tourists around so I patted myself on the back for my attempt at being cultural and slunk back out for a cultural trip of a different sort… a little more Hellboy and Spiderman than Ancient Egyptians…

I need to get out of the city more…
A short but priceless bit on Boston Hipsters from junior Isis Madrid’s eyes.

‘In the beginning, God created the earth. It was oblong and shapeless, and so the Trinity swooped down to mold epic mountains, cavernous oceans and vast skies. And then God said, “Let there be irony,” and there was irony. And then God thought to Himself, “Perhaps I should create someone to abuse this concept, irony.” And so He continued talking to himself. “Let there be hipsters,” He said. And there were hipsters. And the hipsters multiplied, so God said, “Let there be a sacred land for these hipsters to live in.” And there was Boston University. And it was long and skinny, much like the jeans these hipsters wear.’

For all you creative minds out there, I think you will enjoy these things greatly:
Les Artistes:

• MR. PICASSO HEAD.
• Paint like Jackson Pollock!
• Watch an entire day lapse in various locations round the world.
• Compose a very limited piano concerto…

Les Fashion, er, Interior Design, er, Dog people:

• Furniture with the slum-dwelling New Yorker in mind.
• Winners of the dogs who look like their owners contest.
• Oooh and Ahhh at the things some people are willing to stick on their feetsies.

And, clearly my personal fave:

• IDK MY BFF JILL? Translate your sentences to those of a 12-year-old AOLer.

Sadly, my sentences weren’t that far off…

My photo food review. See what to eat this week.

If you find yourself at a this tasty mexican restaurant on St. Mark’s Place for brunch on any given weekend, chances are you could find us there, too. La Palapa - which translates into the thatched roof - is one of our fave meeting spots. We take shelter and sip our Ritas or Bloody Mary’s (Virgin Mary’s if still recovering from the night before) under our very own private palapa in the back. Well, as much of a palapa as you’ll find in Manhattan anyway (read that: atrium-like glassed ceiling with some woven bamboo shades for effect). Good food, great drinks, and us. I mean, what else is there to say?

Some delish things we’ve tried:

Tacos al pastor (traditional with roasted pineapple and chile rubbed pork)
Chorizo tacos (with homemade chile guajillo sausage)
Tacos biztec (with char-grilled marinated skirt steak)

Quesadilla Sencilla. Probably the best and most “authentic” quesadillas I’ve had in the city. (Grilled flour tortillas with homemade queso fresco, cotija añejo and monterey jack cheese). Always a safe option.

Elote del Mercado Plaza San Angel. (Mexico city plaza style corn on the cob with lime, mayo, chile piquín and queso cotija). I think everybody sitting around me had an ear all to themselves.

Heuvos Rancheros Verdes. The brunch staple.

Last time we were there Ellen tried the Hibiscus Tamarind Margarita. Fancy schmancy.

I stuck with the Bloody Mary (not to be confused with the Sauza Bloody Maria I’ll try next time).

And Karen got a little happy in her. (Insert dirty joke here.)

Yep. I think you’ll be seeing more of this place.

La Palapa
77 St. Mark’s Place
212.777.2537

EAT THIS: Elote del Mercado Plaza San Angel (corn on the cob)

Ooh, click me!  Click me!

To me, from my surprisingly politically liberal Dad (You’d be surprised too if you met him):
NEW DEMOCRATIC BUMPER STICKERS:

1. That’s OK, I Wasn’t Using My Civil Liberties Anyway

2. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran.

3. If You Can Read This, You’re Not Our President

4. Of Course It Hurts: You’re Getting Screwed by an Elephant

5. Impeachment: It’s Not Just for Blow jobs Anymore

6. They Call Him “W” So He Can Spell It

7. No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?

8. Bad President! No Banana.

9. We Need a President Who’s Fluent In At Least One Language

10. Is It Vietnam Yet?

11. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?\

12. Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too

13. When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46

14. Bush Never Exhaled

15. At Least Nixon Resigned

She’s Crafty is your step-by-step guide to arts and crafts projects you can do for under $20.

You will need:

• Cell phone cords ($3.95/dozen)
• Head pins, jump rings, and chain ($6.95)
• Any beads on the site you’re into:
  I used these ($7.95) and these ($3.99)
• Needle-nose pliers

Head pins are long wires with a flat end to keep beads from falling off. If your bead has a small hole, string it on a head pin, clip off all but ¼ inch of the pin, and bend that into a loop. Now you’ve got a pendant.

If the bead’s hole is too big and slips right over the head pin’s flat end, cut off the flat part and bend one end into a hoop. Proceed as above to make a pendant.

Attach one or more of the pendants you’ve created to the main loop of the charm to complete your creation.

… or it could be the casual mention of ex-assistant Jade Bien-Aimee Sutherland’s boyfriend’s death a week beforehand… who knows.

“Jack Nicholson, Dennis Hopper to Make “Easy Rider Too: Cantankerous Old Hippies” First ‘The Bucket List’, now this. Does anyone else detect a trend of geriatric films to cater to the aging baby boomers? I’m totally psyched for this movement personally.

P.S., KIDDERS!!!