As you know, there are just two things I really cherish in this world:

1) Implied cultural street-cred from listening to rap music; and

2) Radiohead.

So imagine my glee this week to have been introduced to DJ Minty Fresh Beats’s Jaydiohead.  Have a listen here.

That’s right…Jay-Z + Radiohead = I just blacked out (again).

The album’s high points?  Definitely “Dirt Off Your Android” and the mash-up of little-known Radiohead b-side “Gagging Order” with Jay-Z’s “Never Change” in “Change Order”.

A low point?  Nothing musically – it really is a great album.  But I have to say, the title could have used a little more…[ahem] minty freshness.  While, sure, it does what The Grey Album title did in terms of succinctly communicating the mash-up (and working well phonetically), I just feel like there was a missed opportunity with all the weirdness floating around Jay-Z and Radiohead album titles.

We could have seen:

OK Dynasty: Roc La Bends

Vol. 3…Life and Times of Pablo Honey

An American Gangster in Rainbows

Hail to the Hard Knock Life

Or, the one that has my vote:

F-ck You, Musical Establishment…Vol. 1 “I’m retired”…Vol. 2 “Just kidding”…Vol. 3. “We’re releasing ‘In Rainbows’ for free”

Next week, I’ll review another forthcoming mash-up:  Ja Rule vs. My Chemical Romance in…Thug Guyliner.

p.s.  What’s my favorite mash-up ever?  I thought you’d never ask.  So about a year ago I’m in Zouk (#1 club in Singapore and, I would argue, in the Global Top 3…Joy Eslava in Madrid, and “My Basement the Year ‘MTV Party to Go Volume 5’ Came Out” being the other two) and I hear Snoop’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot” mashed up with…wait for it…“Wonderwall”.  It was, in a word…badonkadonk.

Okay. It’s been awhile. Work got crazy busy, but good. I’ve been put on a pretty big account…one that has a cool history and has inspired some stuff.  Still, I made a New Year’s resolution to get back to some of the other things that I love. PopSerious is one of them. Music is another. So here goes: I’m in L.A. on a shoot at the moment and was able to go see a couple of friends play last night. Jonneine and Will.

www.myspace.com/jonneinezapata

www.myspace.com/sabrosapurr 

They are both seriously talented. Check them out.

EAT THIS: Burn and Fashion Kills

A new gene therapy may be a cure for the “Boy in the Bubble” disease. This is great news!!! However, if this is true, than movies such as “The Boy in The Plastic Bubble” starring a young John Travolta (in his Vinny Barbarino phase) will no longer exist. AND PLEASE dont bring up the shit fest mockery “Bubble Boy” with Jake Gylenhhhaaal (I dont know how to spell his name and am too lazy to look it up). That was just terrible.

The Travolta flick was made in 1976, but aired for years and years after. It was about a boy who lived in a ziplock bag and then got a brown space suit and got to run on the beach and fall in love with the popular girl who decided to look past the fact that she could potentially kill him, and convinced him to get out of the suit. There was lots of airy music and sunshine. If my memory serves me correctly, I cried, but I can’t remember how it ended.

It was great, and I will do my best to find that movie in some discount bin somewhere and watch it while getting drunk.

Any article that starts with “Blowfish testicles sickened seven diners…” has my undivided attention. How many double entendres can you count in it? I’m at four…

The following post was sent to me by “Brace Yourself, Bridget” and I thought it was hilarious….

I was flipping channels last night (not to be confused with “Switching Channels”—an amazing Kathleen Turner comedy. Netflix, today) and caught Michael Flatley with 30 step dancers in toe, in Red, White and Blue regalia dancing to “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”  I experienced the sensation akin to my first adult trip to Las Vegas…”I know why terroists hate us. This exemplifies everything wrong with our culture.”

I dry heaved and abruptly put on the next show in my DVR queue; last week’s “Top Chef.”

Phew.

“Superstars of Dance.”

How do people watch these shows? They make me be glad to born with two left feet and the lamentable inability to tan.

I can’t get into them. I can’t feign love for aspiring flamenco dancers named Tiffany nor closeted latinos named Troy.

But I will admit something. I did have a fixation for Riverdance my Sophomore year of high school. (It was tied up greatly with my paramour of the late 90s…an academic youth with virulent acne and a honda civic. But I digress.)

There was a lot of dancing and impressive violin work—a pretty Irish colleen with violent red hair very in step with the females of my family; and lo, there was effed up singing in octaves higher than the Memorex commercial…ya know, in short a choir/theatre kid’s wet dream.

Michael Flatley is worth 350 million pounds for this shit.

He owns a mansion in Ireland where he routinely sodimizes young dancers (gender, immaterial) and talks with this fake Irish accent even though he was born and raised in Chicago.

He eats steak every day for breakfast and still sports two earrings. He is also an accomplished flutist.

AND HE’S ON MY TELEVISION WITH A BROGUE STEP DANCING TO “YANKEE DOODLE DANDY.”

I renounce my Irish Americaness right here and now.

Although America is full of retarded, hypocritical deviant politicians and leaders, it is mere child’s play compared to the loads of fucked up rulers of the past. I’m currently reading a very interesting book called “A Treasury of Royal Scandals: The Shocking True Stories of History’s Wickedest, Weirdest, Most Wanton Kings, Queens, Tsars, Popes and Emperors” by Michael Farquar (Great gift idea for the history nerd such as myself). Farquar is quick to point out that the unlimited power and entitlement of Royal families have led them to do some serious crazy shit, from depraved sex acts to killing people you cant stand anymore, to just plain nutty demands.
Things are pretty good these days, all things considered. For instance, in our good country when a woman brings down the President, military or religious leader they get a book deal, an interview with Matt Lauer, a spread in Playboy, and a level of fame and glory she would never have gained being a secretary, page or waitress. (Please see: Jessica Hahn, Donna Rice, Monica Lewinsky, etc, etc, etc…..). Do you realize that if times and people were different, Monica Lewinsky could have met her maker at the guillotine just for tootin the President while he let our country fall into the hands of terrorists because he was too distracted covering his tracks and messing around with a fat girl in a beret?? I bet Vernon Jordan would have hit the chopping block around the same time, with Hillary hiding under the executioner’s mask (and a charcoal gray pantsuit).
ANYHOW. Here’s some juicy, little known info about some of the kookiest Kings and Queens:Did you know that:

King Louis XVI, was so sublime and everyone thought he was so amazing, that lucky people could watch him take a dump. It was the equivalent of sitting ringside at Tyson/Holyfield. Or in my case, Balboa/Drago.

99.9997% of all royal people are dirty philanderers. The .0003% were either impotent or had phimosis.

78% of British Kings were totally gay, including Richard the Lion Hearted (also known among his boyfriends as “Richard Minelli”- ok, that last part isn’t true) and King James I (you know, the one who’s bible everyone always quotes when pointing out the unholiness of homosexuality)

Brothers King George IV and King William IV (Hanover) had 57 kids between them, 56 of which were bastards. And they were white!
Most (or a few) German born Kings were chubby chasers and preferred ugly women. (Big Surprise!)

Tiberius (Roman Emperor who reigned during the crucifixion of Jesus) was a hideous, pus covered pedophile that enjoyed torturing and killing people in the most vile ways, including his own grandchildren. PS. And people question who was responsible for JC’s death???? COME ON!

This week’s guest post was sent in by someone who goes by the name “Al Shirk, the Carpenter.” Please enjoy!*

If last week’s innauguaration has showed us anything it’s that America is gaga for the kids of the new commander-in-chief. Malia and Sasha were mini celebrities in their bright J.Crew coats, pearly lip gloss, hard core security detail and diligent nikon snapping.

As Barack OBAMAAAAAH (to be read like Chris Rock’s intonation in the latest comedy special) is the world’s biggest celebrity on the planet right now, I got to thinking about other show biz types and their offspring.

With the exception of Shiloh (best bjs in the world will be at the mercy of those lips) or baby Suri (alien residue permeates the bowel movements that shall spring forth from that in-vitro sphincter)—most celebrities have the fugliest children I have ever seen.

1. Violet Affleck

Ben’s old teeth, Jennifer’s manly jaw. Unfortunate.

2. Rumer Willis

Not only does she look like Mr. Potato Head but I’m pretty sure she smells like rancid gouda. Miss Golden Globe, my ass.

3. OJ’s kids

Anyone who ever said every kid of interracial parents will be beautiful overestimated the strain of California skank mixed with NFL roid rage.

4. Adam Sandler’s kid

I feel terrible exploiting this little one, but she is going to make someone very unhappy some day. Luckily the future son-in-law will be a huge “Happy Gilmore” fan and will hang around in the hopes Carl Weathers shows up at the wedding.

5. Celine Dion’s “son”

Cut your effing hair, you French Canadian ‘mo. Your father is a pederast and your mother hasn’t eaten since 1978.

*PopSerious, and particularly Dena does not necessarily share the opinion of Al Shirk, the Carpenter and is afraid of bad karma and doesn’t like to criticize babies publically, so help me God.
 

You may be wondering who that adorable teenager is. I think his name is Max. I’m the other one.

This was 1990, so give me a break.

My friends just invited me to go to see Metallica next week, and I am so excited! There is a part of me that still feels like the kid in this picture, except that I no longer own a velcro wallet or wear crystals. Metallica reminds me of a simpler time, when it was fun to sit around underage drinking and singing the lyrics to aggressive hard rock. I just dont have the time to do that anymore (ok, sometimes..).  Anyway, I just thought I would sacrifice my dignity by showing you a picture from 19 years ago (UCHHHH! I just threw up in my mouth) and by admitting that I cant wait for a Metallica concert.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

I love so much about Russia- the culture, the history (ok, mostly), the language and the people (just the elite people, of course). Who else wears a floor length chinchilla coat and knee high Dolce and Gabbana boots to the supermarket? Who else could even get away with it??
I’m not materialistic, really. Except that my dream is to drive around in a tiny Mercedes with a big pair of Dior sunglasses on and enormous snow boots to match. WHY OH WHY didn’t I use my remedial knowledge of the Russian language and my eastern European lineage to nab myself a billionaire? I’d be sitting in my dacha on the Black Sea right now, planning my NYC apartment renovation made out of gold brick and diamond glitter. Instead, here I am drinking a $7 bottle of wine while watching American Idol preliminaries. PRELIMINARIES!!!!!!
Anyway, occasionally I like to see how the other half lives and troll luxury lifestyle websites, and yes, that is as pathetic as it sounds. The upshot is that here are some exciting, deliciously Russian things happening in the world right now:

OK. Diamond crusted Mercedes anyone??? True story-This was created with the sole intention of a Russian buying it. You can’t park this baby on the street or vagrants such as ME will be shucking that shit off screaming “mama needs a new pair of shoes!!”

But what about the rich Russian who needs to get shuttled around in a taxi?  How about a metered Maybach 62 or Porsche Cayenne TechArt Magnum? I don’t know what that even means!! But it sounds AWESOME!!!!!!

Tasteless advertisements featuring the new American president: A picture of Barack Obama used to promote a tanning salon. WHAAAAAIII???? That is not right! He does have good skin tone, though. I’ll shut up now.
Last but not least…THIS GUY. His name is Sergey Zverev and he’s like a stylist turned rock star (think Jonathan Antin meets Pete Burns- the OLD Pete Burns, for fuck sake!!!) He has been featured recently on Dlisted, so I didn’t exactly discover him. However, 2 things:
One, I can’t stop looking at him. I tried and I can’t. I’m mesmerized, revolted and totally, utterly captivated. The best part is he’s for real straight! I hear there is actually footage floating around the web of him in flagrante delicto with some girl (I think his wife) in a club. I didn’t see the video. OK. I saw the stills and its convincing. CONVINCING.

Two. Before he dolled himself up he looked EXACTLY like the Russian exchange student that lived at my friend Nicki’s house in high school. The entire time he was there, she tried to get that poor fool to wear deodorant and shave his fuzz lip, but he left unchanged. I wonder if it’s the same person and if she had any influence to his current state.

Wow. Talk about a chock full of interesting info. Carry on with your day. I’ll be trying to find the key to this $7.8 million dollar vehicle.

So I’m lurking around the jobs section on craigslist today when I come across this little gem of an offer. The times, they are tough and hilarious.