“They” say that the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games has become the most-watched U.S. television event of all time with 211 million viewers over 16 days of coverage on NBC and its sister cable channels. “They” are obviously NBC. I thought the Olympics were pretty good, my favorite event was obviously watching American teammates Thomas Finchum and David Boudia in the Men’s Synchronized Diving. I kept thinking about what their future apartment on Christopher Street was going to look like. Scandinavian with some mid century modern touches, yes?
Anyway, it may be true that the Beijing Olympics is the most watched TV show of all time, but they obviously didn’t interview me. The most watched shows of all time BY ME are the following:
1. Diff’rent Strokes: Dudley and Arnold get Molested At The Bike Shop. If there was EVER a very special episode, it was this. The Maytag repairman dude is the seedy molester, who tries to wine and dine these two completely oblivious fools. Arnold should have known that safari hats + trampolines + red wine+ shirtlessness = My freshman year at college—I mean, bad bad badness. Plus, Arnold was 24 in real life, and knew what he was doing. Naughty!
2. True Life: I’m Going to The Jersey Shore: This show is the best documentary ever made. I’m not even going to pretend I am above it. True, I am from New Jersey, but this crew is even off the charts for me. I swear I never ate Cheeseballs on the boardwalk at Seaside Heights!!! A pinwheel, maybe. Anyway, Tommy and his friends, their “Corleone hats” and Jersey shore nightlife are ratings GOLD! If you have never seen it, clear your weekend, buy a few boxes of wine and keep the Pizza Hut wings coming. Blessed Day.
3. Being Bobby Brown: Whitney and Bobby Do Impromptu Sunglass Dance. Yes, I TiVo’ed this episode and watched it until my television actually cried for me to stop. What is more enthralling than Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown randomly breaking into perfect song and dance about a $5 pair of sunglasses at a Marriott gift shop? I have watched it so many times, that “It Works For Me” ditty has actually worked its way into my daily repertoire. Absolutely Genius.
4. Last but not least, I would be remiss if I didn’t add the best episode of My So Called Life: The Boiler Room. This is mostly because I just really related to not wanting to get caught being near/fraternizing with/kissing Claire Danes. I really felt for Jordan then.

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