I don’t watch “The Bachelor.” I know it’s hard to believe that I’m actually disinterested in watching a bunch of hysterically desperate teachers from Dallas try to nab a guy on the ego trip of his life. I think the entire premise of the show is ridiculous and shows women in a terribly depressing light. Normally, I prefer to watch “Intervention” in this particular time slot- usually because there is a happy ending about 80% of the time, or the person just ends up dying. No one gets humiliated and dumped in an evening gown and gets filmed crying all the way home in a limo.
BUT. When they advertised that last night’s Bachelor was going to be so earth shattering, so incredibly freaking crazy, I had to watch.
I really wish I had those 2 hours of my life back.
In a nutshell: Bachelor Jason Mesnick is a super cute divorced father of a 3 year old (ehem, baggage!). Last season he got trounced by the Bachelorette, and so they gave him his own show. He ends up falling in love with two girls- Melissa and Molly-both eager to please, cute, and predictably totally in love with him after only 2 or 3 weeks. He spends 1 hour and 58 minutes debating and crying about which girl to marry. In the last two minutes he dumps poor Molly and then dry heaves over a glass balcony that I was hoping his body pressure would crash through and he would fall to the ground below and get mangled in the New Zealand brush. It didn’t happen. What did happen is that he proposes to Melissa, cries some more, swings her around and declares his love for her by jumping into a pool in his tuxedo.

In the aftershow, the host says that some stuff is about to go down that has never happened in all of Bachelor history. I miss “The City” for this.
Jason sits down and his eyes well up. It also looks like the host is about to cry as well, so I’m thinking: Jason has a terminal illness, got Melissa pregnant, she died in a car accident, he’s been exposed to a Uranium leak in his office. I DON’T KNOW.
Then all he says is that he doesn’t like Melissa and wants a second chance with Molly. That’s all. THAT’S IT! Did I mention I missed “The City” for this???????
He then spends the next 3 years crying and apologizing and I realize that he is just a big stupid dickface trying to use his son and his stupid tears to screw both girls. 
I don’t know if it worked, because I couldnt watch it anothe minute. But I did catch the end of “The City.” Bitch ass Olivia!!!!!!!!!!
 

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