ps. I had this jacket in 1983. 3rd grade was a really groundbreaking fashion year for me.

Obviously Michael Jackson’s death has been the big news this summer, narrowly edging out pandamonium in Iran and Demi Lovato being revealed as a cutter. The biggest shocker for me about his death was that the autopsy report said poor Michael was bald. BALD, JERRY. BALD. That must have been really effin’ scary to run into him in the middle of the night. Without his hair or nose on he must have looked like the Crypt Keeper. ZOINKS!

The upshot is that he was also listed as 5′10″ and a lean, mean 112lbs. I mean, where does a girl sign up for that? Note to self: Turn into a self medicating black guy STAT.

It’s been a few weeks since Michael Jackson died, and predictably Michael mania is everywhere. My local CVS is selling Michael Jackson CD’s at the register, right night to the Chapstix and eyeglass screwdrivers. Oh, America! I think the real reason people are so affected by his death is that we all feel a little bad for treating him so poorly, even if he had it coming. He never got a chance to vindicate himself, make a comeback, turn chocolatey again.   Regardless of where the truth lies about him and his shady past and unusual demeanor, it was really easy (and therefore enjoyable) to treat him like a soulless freak. The weirder he looked, the easier it was to consider him inhuman, unfeeling and possibly evil. I strongly believe that since its been confirmed  he was addicted to anesthesia for the past 20 years, its possible all his scandalous ”sleepovers” merely consisted of Michael laying in a quasi-coma next to a bunch of kids who were eating candy apples and playing Sega Genesis. Plus, if he’s guilty than so are the kids’ parents. No one lets their 10 year old son have a “playdate” with a 45 year old man. I mean, really.

The good news about his death is that his record sales are up, more people are moonwalking again, Tito and Jermaine are back on the scene, Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder and Diana Ross’s flat line careers just saw a little blip and Michael Jackson went from inhuman weirdo to misunderstood, tortured soul and loving dad.

What does Michael’s death teach us? Dont take your loved ones for granted. Always keep your i-pod full of classic American music. IV’s are not for home usage. Have an iron clad will. Tell your family to wear coordinating outfits to your funeral to express their solidarity even though most of them haven’t spoken to each other since 1987. And most importantly, do not, DO NOT die on the same day as a more impressive person. Sorry, Farrah and the other person I can’t remember. So sorry.

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