Apparently the best thing since sliced meatloaf with a heaping side of mashed potatoes is “The Biggest Loser”, an inspirational television program that shows how a group of overweight Americans shed the 300 pounds they gained over the last 20 years by working out 15 hours a day while living in a hermetically sealed ranch with relentless trainers and professionally made organic food.
I’m all for a show with a positive message. Not really, but it sure passes the time while I wait for a new episode of “The Hills” to start. Quite frankly, I have a problem with the entire message of the show if we’re being honest here. First of all, since when is exposing one’s pancake size nipples really necessary in order to promote health and healing? Can’t people get weighed in behind a curtain or something? Or wear skin tight unitards , maybe with advertising on it? 

Another reason I think the show sucks is that it is completely unrealistic to expect average folks to do these extreme exercises in everyday life. I have yet to see the person climbing up an escalator the wrong way with 40 pound sand bags attached to their belts or pulling boulders through the dessert with a defibrillator stashed nearby. Although sometimes this old Asian guy in my neighborhood runs through the streets without shoes on. He’s like a local hero.
Finally (and most importantly) the contestants are WAY too emotional. Look, I know that it’s really trying to withdraw from sugar and not be able to comfort yourself with a few enchiladas and a box of wine when you’re feeling blue, but everyone is crying all the time for no good reason whatsoever. Whenever it’s time to send someone home, every single person gets hysterical. You would think they were shipping a person off to Treblinka instead of back home to face their fully stocked refrigerators and TGIFriday’s coupon book based on these reactions. The person just goes home! At least they can take solace in the fact that the better part of America won’t see their floppy boobies anymore. Really— how do you go back to work after doing THAT? If I was a contestant’s coworker, I would constantly be all like “I’m really proud of Donald, but I never had any idea how big his tits really were!” Sorry, I’m an asshole.
I commend these people for exposing themselves inside and out for the sake of improving their lives, as well as letting NBC exploit their pain and suffering to promote the benefits of 24 hour gym facilities and Jillian Michaels’ workout videos .  If they can do it, then so can you! Just keep your shirts on, por favor!

This entry (Permalink) was posted on Thursday, October 15th, 2009 at 3:02 pm and is filed under Wait, What?. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response , or trackback from your own site.