I break my silence of a few months, which was mostly due to the utter lack of any interesting news stories to inspire my rants. Yes, there were countless “celebrity” deaths and the whole Balloon Boy thing (which I didn’t even know about until way after it happened because I watched a ‘Roseanne’ marathon instead of the news that day) but those were so overdone that anything I’d have to say on those topics would be lost in a sea of snark and pathetic fan tears. I was slightly tempted to write about Amy Winehouse getting breast implants, but the only comment I could come up with is that she’s well on her way to achieving what I can only assume is her goal of looking like Ramona Rickettes from Cry-Baby. On Halloween, I was close to posting my take on the Saw franchise making its way up to the number of Police Academy films and how I pray it doesn’t surpass Land Before Time sequels.

But today, the obvious hit me. Literally, someone threw a baseball with a Yankees logo on it at me because they know I’m Philly born and raised (though on the playground I did not spend most of my days). The tension of the World Series is all around and I quite frankly just want it to end, whether the Phillies win or lose. Technically, I’m a Phillies fan in that I’ll cheer for them at a game, but right now I seem to be one of a few sane people in the tri-state area. Philly and New York are supposed to be bros! Of all the major cities, we’re the most similar, what with our high populations of hipsters, citizens with a larger tolerance of tourists and crazies than the average person, obese people who don’t question buying pretzels from a homeless guy at a crosswalk, and outrageous accents in common (which makes Chicago our midwest cousin). Unfortunately, we also share an obnoxious obsession with sports that would be considered psychotic anywhere else.

I can’t log on to Facebook without seeing hundreds of status’ eloquently stating “Yo, NY, YANK DEEZ!” accompanied by photos of rude gestures. Yet, these are the same people I seem to recall constantly going on about their weekend trips to NYC and how they wish they could live there. In the same vein, most Yankees fans I know are from New Jersey and in the sports off-season, love NYC and Philly as places equally. So what makes sports suddenly turn our asshole-iness up to 11 and cause fights to break out? I’m sure we’ll cure cancer before that answer is discovered. But on last night’s Daily show, they sure did a great job of capturing it in a hilarious, bipartisan manner.

I’m not sure if the game is on now or not, but I honestly wish the Yankees good luck no matter the outcome. Either way, there’ll be riots in the streets of Philly. Stay classy, everyone.

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